i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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