16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
