8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
