what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No stitches, just platelets and will power
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
