remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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