i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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