I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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