you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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