Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
