who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize