After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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