I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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