Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
