a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
