I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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