Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When did angry sex become our thing?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
