I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
