Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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