i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
