maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
