You're completely useless in the revolution.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
