You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
