i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
