I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
send nudes
from the living room?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
