Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize