Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
