Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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