He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
