You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
