Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
