Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
