Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
