Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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