apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
