Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Randomize
