I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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