this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need moral support for this bender
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
