I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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