I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
