No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
