Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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