Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize