hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
