Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
