Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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