I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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