even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
