drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need help removing her.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
