cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
