just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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