I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
