my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
