he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
