my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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