he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
