haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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