Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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