bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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