apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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