Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
