Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
