my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
foreskin is a definite game changer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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