peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
