Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
