i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
