dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
