I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
