so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
