Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
