i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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