I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
