You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
