she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
